Monday, February 13

Circle of Love


It´s the lovey dovey month of February! And like every year, the Valentine´s Day fever is back again!

Today, I cannot help but realize how vital this four letter word is to the existence of our mundane lives. Yes this dirty, bitter-sweet yet magically liberating and exhilarating potion called Love. Love is to the soul much like what chocolate is for the body. Love is a good fatty antioxidant for the soul. Period!

In my world, when my little daughter spontaneously crashes into my arms and declares out of nowhere cheesily ‘I wuvvv you, Mommy’, EVERYTHING seems right and so fine. All of a sudden. Just like that. And when my backside gets gifted by solid bull kicks by hubby dearest, again EVERYTHING seems right and so fine. All of a sudden. Just like that. Different love strokes for different people, Aye?

In fact, a few months back, right after my little daughter watched ‘Frozen’, she asked me point-blankly, ‘Mama, What is True Love?’ Right there, she got me frozen in a flash.

Love would mean different things to different people at different points of time in their life. For me, it meant my mother and father’s loving touch and protection at one point of time. It meant my brother’s companionship at one point of time. It meant my first crush at seven(and the ones after that) at one point of time. It meant a handsome Prince Charming waiting to sweep me off my feet at one point of time. It meant all the fun and camaraderie amongst friends at one point of time. It meant that very first moment my heart skipped a beat or three when I first laid my eyes on my husband at one point of time. It meant that moment when I found out that I was pregnant for the very first time. It meant that moment when I held my daughter in my arms for the very first time and all the subsequent hugs and kisses thereafter.It meant going to a new country and falling in love with all the foreign landscapes and sights. It meant looking dreamily out of the window and admiring the first snowfall of the season. It meant seeing my heart break into a zillion pieces and jump in excitement, both at the same time, when it was my daughter´s first day at school.

Love meant a kaleidoscope of random things ranging from people, activities and places that blew my mind and took my heart away. Be it those glorious romantic hues of yesterday’s sunset that my husband and I saw on our drive back home yesterday or that sweet tangy taste of  Orange Chicken that melted in my mouth. And each of those times, I have experienced and felt Love in its various manifestations. That’s probably why Love is defined and quoted in so many ways. And its interpretations and expressions far multi fold. Be it religious, scientific or artistic…

I thought it would interesting if I were to embark on this really risky and adventurous mission to decode this four letter word. So, here goes my humble crumble (read take portion) of this gigantic sweet pot of pie called LOVE.

Let’s start at the very beginning. A very good place to start. When we come into this world, we begin with the Mother and the Father. Being a parent myself today, I truly fathom what it means to be one. It’s all sinking in now and I am reminded of my parents every single day when I run my home and take care of my child along with my husband. The love that a parent has for a child is undoubtedly immense and beyond measure. Think of all the sacrifices that parents willingly undertake for the joy and the pleasure of their child. Parental love is unconditional and timeless. Their expectations for themselves, something back in return, is more often than not nil. The only expectation they honestly hold is the genuine well-being and happiness of their children. Because of the selfless nature of parent’s love, they are akin to being ‘God on earth’ for us. And they ought to be given the highest honor and respect there ever is.

My father once told me, ‘Love is protective, not possessive’. The former trait he added was positive and good for the flourishing of Love, the latter could choke Love. That was his way of looking at Love. And in the larger scheme of life, his words ring true. We have parents, siblings,spouse, kids…but we are never truly in possession of anyone.

Knowing your parents is knowing Love enough. And if you are tad luckier, you get hugged and kissed by Love in the form of siblings, extended family and friends. As you grow, so you love.

As you grow, so you love. Strangers turned acquaintances turned friends turned to that special someone. It’s the dawn of a brand new love affair. And the game of Love gets a tad more challenging. While the odds are odder and the risks higher in this whole new level, the stakes are definitely more nobler. This relationship holds more ground, more water and more meaning than the earlier familial ones because it calls and asks for so much more out of oneself. It’s taking Love to a higher level. Blood is more thicker than water they say. And to make two water bodies merge to form one Blood requires a solid foundation of love, trust, faith, loyalty, respect, patience, hope,kindness, forgiveness and understanding. Much like the most fragile but most beautiful piece of artwork, or a tender budding plant which holds the promise of off-springing into a gigantic tree, this love relationship needs constant attention, care and maintenance. When played and danced well in tune with one another’s heartbeats, this relationship would be that rock solid fortress you both build together tirelessly and persistently. All while fighting back life’s challenges thrown your way alongside sipping in all of life’s sweetness together. The ‘You’ and ‘I’ merges into that beauteous zone of ‘Us’. You realize that Love is beautiful when you can share and confide everything to each other. When your joys become his or his tears, yours. When you melt in one another’s arms or kiss each other’s troubles away a big ‘Goodbye’. When you love doing everything together and for each other. When he holds those missing puzzle pieces of you while you hold his. When he mirrors you and you him. And when you have children together, he sees ‘You’ and you see ‘Him’ in them. Truly I tell you, what goes around does comes around. And so here we are as one united force till death does us apart!

Finally, Love makes a complete circle when we forge and work towards the most important relationship which we will ever have. That with our Creator. The paradox is that the most intimate relationship of our lives is with the Unseen. Unseen but most indefinitely felt and perceived. Yes, he is right here, next to us, if only we want to experience Him. He is the greatest Mother the world will ever know, the greater Father the world has ever seen, the greatest brother or sister anyone can ever have, the greatest lover that History has ever witnessed, the greatest Spouse anyone can espouse. He is the source of love and hope for the countless orphans, widows, the weariest, poorest and most unloved souls. He may be Unseen but His Love is unmistakably manifested in various forms all around us. They who have listened carefully to His subtlest callings and His softest of murmurs in His most unique ways have come to realize and firmly proclaim that there is no greater Love or force in the world other than that of our Creator.

God’s love is like no other. It is the highest of the highest levels in this game of Love. It is the most toughest and challenging kind of love, demanding you to love your enemies as much as you love yourself. It is the most benevolent and gracious, demanding you to forgive the brother who stabbed you in the back not once but seventy times seven. It is the most exclusive, demanding that nothing or no one comes first between you and Him. It is the most hurtful demanding you to give up on worldly pleasures and pursuits and gladly embrace austerity and a life of suffering for the benefit of others. It is the most meekest, demanding you to turn your other cheek when people slap you in His name. It is the most fearless demanding you to willingly give up your life when people persecute and kill you in His name. It is also the most committed, promising, hopeful and loving of all the relationships there ever was/is. From Him, we originate! And back to him, we merge in unison at the end.

From loving and living harmoniously with your parents and siblings to living, loving and sharing your life with your beloved soul-mate, Love makes its complete circle when you decide to rediscover love in its truest and purest form, with the Unseen but All-known Creator.

‘As it is, these remain: Faith, Hope and Love, the three of them. And the greatest of them is Love’ (1 Corinthians 13:13)

Love needs no reason, explanation, justification and no disguise. It never stops loving. Love is God and God is Love.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

(This post has been published on Women´s Web - http://www.womensweb.in/2017/02/the-circle-of-love/)

Thursday, February 9

A Sari Tale!


If you have been on social media in the last few years, you might have come across a couple of your friends who took up the ´100 Saree Pact´ challenge. No doubt, it was beautiful to watch the many variations of the outfit - be it in textile, design, technique, the draping styles, the matching and contrasting blouses, intricate jewellery, hairstyles and not to forget the various poses exclusively for the camera.

Come to think of it, 100 sarees is a lot! But then, of course, what are mothers and mother-in-laws and friends for!

Little did I know, I would be in an unforeseen and unexpected ´100 day saree pact´ challenge  myself. Now this is what I love about life. The quality of unpredictability and randomness. Always expect the unexpected!

Anyway, this is how I ended up in an involuntary ´100 day saree pact´ challenge. Here goes the story!

We moved back to India from USA in the mid of June 16´. And within three days of our arrival, here I was teaching final year management graduate students in one of the graduation colleges in the city. I took it up more for the experience of ´going back to college life´ and more so as a challenge as I had no teaching experience at all. Give me a challenge and I cannot resist it. So, here I was in this college, teaching 16-25 year old somethings, all about management. The teaching stint was absolutely fantastic and memorable.

The biggest challenge of the job for me was the dress code for the faculty. A Saree! My concerned husband insisted I remain firm about not wearing a saree. My understanding mother-in-law, a teacher herself, rued that they should exempt young women from such daily torture. And my friends, well they asked me if I was working in a government school or college. Anyway, there was absolutely no bargaining on that one. It was a mandatory rule - the Saree dress code.

To begin with, I barely had ten sarees. And, most of them were not fit for college wear. Either they were the expensive richly ornate  pure silks and heavy weight bridal and party wear or the simple, light weight breezy chiffon and georgette sarees. And almost all my blouses were sleeveless. So, you can say that the Saree for me, was strictly occasional wear reserved for those very special occasions.

So, the first thing I did was borrow all my Mum and Mum-in-law´s sarees as well as blouses. I got the blouses tackily adjusted. So for more than a month, I went to teach in those ill fitting blouses and borrowed sarees. Till one day, I realised I could no longer wear those blouses as I had narrow shoulders compared to my mother and my mother-in-law. Finally, I invested in some basic blouses in the shades of black, brown, maroon, cream and green. I also stitched a gold blouse for college functions. I would interchange these blouses in classic colours with a variety of sarees. That was my faculty wear.

I have a love-hate relationship with Sarees. I love how they look on me. They are very flattering on the Indian figure type. It enhances your beauty and you feel feminine and sexy. Little surprise that in all our movies, the dream song always involves the heroine in a saree. A Saree is always be my first choice as a party, wedding, anniversary or any formal function. It looks regal, classy and timeless. The Saree is simply a beautiful piece of creation. Much like stamp collecting, Saree collecting has become my new hobby. I absolutely love going to these handloom exhibitions for their mind-blowing range of sarees. Last year, I bought a Bandini saree, Mangalgiri cotton and I plan to include more styles in there in the coming years.

But as a wearer, I can vouch for the fact that as beautiful as a Saree is, it is one of the most impractical outfits that has ever been created. I hate how the Saree feels less of a garment and more  bondage for womenkind. Especially as a work dress code, it should be kept optional and not mandatory. Those who are comfortable and love to be in a saree all day long should just go ahead and do so. But for those far and few in between, why should the majority of women employees suffer in the bargain.

So, let me do the honours and list out why the Saree is a sorry tale!

1. Respect needs to be earned intrinsically and not draped extensively

´A Saree commands the respect of students´, I was told. Which, I personally disagree with. If only it were that easy to garner the respect of students. I think gaining respect is a lot more deeper than draping a nine yard piece of cloth around your body. Today´s generation of students are very different from when we were in college. They are a lot more bolder than the previous generations ever were. Including the girl students. They are way more  aware, outspoken and individualistic. To gain their respect is definitely not as simple as draping a saree and commanding respect.

2. It is a tantalising tease 

A Saree looks dignified and respectable. Okay, Agreed partially! But that again stems from either a rigid cultural mindset or being a historical ignoramus or both.

The Saree is the epitome of modesty, value and respect in the Indian culture. But, it is deemed indecent in different countries. And mind you, what we have is the highly watered down version of the original saree. The modern day Saree is still too racy in many cultures and countries. Like say, Malaysia, Nigeria,Pakistan and even our very own Manipur.

For the historical ignoramus, the Saree was never designed to be decent, dignified or modest. as per today´s societal standards. It was designed to be an all-out tease. The midriff, the navel and the back were meant to be exposed. The navel especially was meant to be flaunted to attract attention. The navel was to be displayed proudly as it was symbolic of Lord Vishnu´s navel which was the source of all life, fertility and creativity. The original saree had no blouse. From the land of Kamasutra, the creation of Saree was definitely not meant for the purpose of covering up and being modest. It was meant to tantalise and evoke interest and desire. Visualize Mandakini in ´Ram Teri Ganga Maili´, Zeenat Aman in ´Satyam Shivam Sundaram´ or Kareena Kapoor in Ashoka´! Take one good look at the women portrayed in ancient Indian temple sculptures, and you will realize that our ancient Indian women enjoyed maximum freedom. The Saree was an unabashed celebration of womanhood and its beauty.

The process of covering up and being more modest started with the Mughal invasion and it intensified during the British Raj. It is only then we had petticoats and blouses and the watered down version of the modern day Saree that we have today.

I would say that modern tame version of the Saree is still a tease. It is not uncommon to see bra straps through thin blouse material. Unless, you are careful about choosing a thick blouse material, the regular blouse materials are thin and semi transparent. The way the saree is designed, it is bound to attract attention to your midriff, your back, and the side view of your entire upper body.

3. It is pure bondage 

All that you can do in a saree is eat, walk and sleep. Climbing steps is a pain. Doing any form of exercise apart from walking is unthinkable. Forget jogging, running up the stairs, doing those flexible yoga poses, jumping or just being physically free! Going to the restroom to answer nature´s call is in itself an event. And it is sheer misery during that ´time of the month.´ You are leaking down there while sweating profusely in a garment that has zero air circulation. Torture at a wholly insane level. Is it really worth living your whole life in that bondage they call a ´Sari´?

4. It is not a smart outfit 

In this era of smart phones, smart watches, smart technology, smart people, smart everything, the Saree is anything but smart. A lot can be done with the touch of a button. How I wish, it worked the same in case of a Saree!

For starters, the draping, undraping and the folding of a saree are all laborious rituals in themselves. God save you especially if you are working woman who is also married with school going kids. For this outfit is a perfect recipe for disaster. I am not saying it is impossible but why invite further problems and bottlenecks to your morning rush. Work smart, not hard!

5. Why should boys and men have all the fun?

Yes! This is an outright rant and my call for gender equality and justice.

Why should Sarees be made compulsory for women employees and men conveniently made to get away with more comfortable, practical and mobile Western wear such as formal shirts and pants? Why aren´t they being subjected to draping a dhoti and wearing a turban and coming to work everyday?  Why are only we women supposed to uphold Indian tradition and culture and values while our male counterparts get to make all the rules for us and escape scot free?

There are so many options for women to choose nowadays - smart professional looking salwar kameez which are way more decent, covered and comfortable than the Saree, or smart looking western tops paired with pants and a blazer and more. There are thankfully more practical and smarter outfits that the Saree.

Yes, there are women who have carried off the Saree beautifully and with utmost grace. For me, I admire and love all the sarees worn by Sonia Gandhi, Sushma Swaraj, Amala Akkineni.  They look classic, cool and very sophisticated. In the glamour business, Rekha is my undisputed Saree Queen. Nobody comes close to this goddess of beauty when it comes to adoring the Saree. Her gold kanjeevarams, red lips and jasmine flowers are an all time classic favourite.

The moral of this story  is ´Let the choice of Saree as work wear be made by the wearer of it - the woman and not any male authority. Let women decide how often they want to drape the saree to their workplace - be it everyday or occasionally.´

For all these male authorities and law makers, I have one challenge for you! Try draping, wearing and living in the Saree for one whole day.

(This post has been published on Women´s Web - http://www.womensweb.in/2017/03/love-hate-relationship-saree-dress-code/)
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